these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
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