there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
