He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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