I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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