so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
