After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
