hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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