The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
