I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
