Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
