Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize