You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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