i need an iv and a liver transplant
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
