They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
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