I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
