fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize