so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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