He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
