Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
