I got chris browned last night
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize