I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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