under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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