chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
