Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
