my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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