just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
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