oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
