I feel great
I just peed on a car
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
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