cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
