The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
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