I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
