Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
