Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
