Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
