its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
