remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
