I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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