He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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