is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize