Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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