I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
