It's like a parade of train wrecks.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
