Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
