So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
