Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize