Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
