I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
