I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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