what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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