You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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