she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
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