I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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