Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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