I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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