I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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