Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
