Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
