Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
