conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
