it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
