i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize