Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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