You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Randomize
