Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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