i was rollin on her like bob the builder
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
