i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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