It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
