Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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