You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
